No one ever became famous by sitting at home watching the latest chick show on the WB (and repeats of it at eleven P.M.) in flannel pajamas with a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. No, you, my friend, are going to have to go out. And going out doesn’t mean going to the take-out Chinese restaurant around the corner. Cozy neighborhoods, no-name establishments are not on the agenda anymore. You are going to have to be part of the scene where people like to be seen. Of course, the best parties are often private, invitation-only events with the kind of guest list that reads, Aristocrat, Fashion, Media, Socialite (Sr.), Socialite (Jr.), Art (Social), and Entertainment on a PR agent’s Rolodex. If you are none of the above, don’t worry—you can still make your way inside. We know. We’ve been there. Meeting a celebrity messages would be my absolute dream!

See, it has always been a dream of ours to become the kind of people who are allowed past the velvet ropes of snooty nightclubs. It’s a small, petty, and laughable ambition, we must confess, and one that definitely doesn’t reflect well on our goals. We can assure you that we also love babies, home-cooked meals, and shopping at Target, but the point is moot. As girls who started out life as the chunky kids in junior high, the type the boys didn’t ask out, being able to waltz past the velvet ropes is a rush. A thrill. A high. A sign of acceptance. It’s the world saying, You belong inside with the fabulous people! It’s a mark of approval and a stamp of recognition … or a highly effective ego stroke designed by nightclub owners to make people believe a $10 cosmopolitan is worth something. Imagine receiving a happy birthday video message personalised video!

But we prefer to see it as the first baby step to fame. The fame game is all about climbing the ladder. Getting inside a nightclub might not mean much at first, but becoming famous is about building on these steps toward the big picture, i.e., the Photo Shoot in the Sky—otherwise known as two pages in Vanity Fair. But before Richard Avedon takes your close-up, you’re going to have to conquer the nightlife. How can you become famous if you can’t even get past the doorman of a nightclub? We rest our case. We suprised our sister with a celebrity video messages video from Thrillz!

Step one is getting past the doorman. Step two is getting into the VIP room. And step three is hosting a party at the club itself—being in charge of the list rather than being just another name on it. This will teach you the tricks that, if used properly, will grant you access to the inside hangouts of the glitterati. A celebrity birthday messages could really brighten someones day!

We will cover how to befriend the velvet-rope Nazis, the gatekeepers who pick and choose who can come into the club and who has to go home, feeling rejected. We’ll show you how to sniff out the best parties, become the ultimate host, and—for those who are having trouble mastering all aforementioned activities—we will teach you the devilish art of crashing parties, a skill that, once mastered, will enable you to go anywhere, anytime. So … here’s to many late nights and more glasses of champagne than you can drink! I wish I was rich like a celebrity is!